


I want it that way

by kihoandjackbumshipper



Series: KiHo for the win [9]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Cheating, Implied Relationships, Implied Sexual Content, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-17
Updated: 2019-03-17
Packaged: 2019-11-19 14:01:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18136691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kihoandjackbumshipper/pseuds/kihoandjackbumshipper
Summary: It was wrong. But they wouldn't have it any other way.





	I want it that way

**Author's Note:**

> Hello~ this fic is fulfilling the request left by an anon on the https://mx-requests-forum.tumblr.com/
> 
> Request: Kihyun always loved Hoseok who is Minhyuk boyfriend. Hoseok and Kihyun start having an affair and eventually Minhyuk find out. What will happen to the group? KihyunXWonho non-AU
> 
> If the person who sent the request read this, I hope he or she enjoys it!!
> 
>  
> 
> Plus: a big THANK YOU to Greta, who supported me while I was writing (seriously, it took me months T_T) and to antoooo1705 for some ideas, here and there^^ love to the both of youuuuu <3

It was one of those rare days in the middle of Monsta X's promotions that they had a free afternoon and late activities the next day so they could spend it doing whatever they wanted.

 

Most of them didn't know what to do so just did the same as always: sleep, play video games, compose songs, clean, etc, etc.

 

For Hoseok, those hours were precious since he didn't have to worry about schedule or going to sleep early. So of course he stayed at his studio recording demos for a song that had been playing on his mind for days now. Through message he told his boyfriend to not wait for him since he wasn't sure when he was going to finish and return to the house. Minhyuk nagged only a bit —knowing all of that would be read for blind eyes— and told him he loved him so much with kissy emojies. Hoseok answered that he loved him too before putting the silent mode on and leaving his phone aside to focus completely on the task at hand.

 

 

Later that night, the music was playing loudly through the speakers while the white haired man wrote and erased the lyrics that were starting to flow.

 

A sudden noise startled him, as someone was dialing the passcode to enter the room.

 

A surprised Kihyun came in full view as he opened the door, his eyes wide open at realizing Hoseok was in the middle of a new song.

 

—Hyung! Did I distract you? I'm sorry I didn't want to-

 

—It's okay, KiHyunnie. I'm not doing any progress so your presence here is gladly appreciated.

 

The younger smiled cutely as he closed the door and entered the studio, bringing with him two bags full of food and drinks.

 

—It's nothing, you know. I like coming here to help you out. I sent you a message, by the way. Did you see it?

 

—Just right now —Hoseok had his phone unlocked and was checking some chats to know if something had happened in the last- —Oh my God, it's really past midnight? Time flashed.

 

—You silly, I'm sure you haven't eaten yet. Here, I brought a snack for you.

 

Instead of saying thank you, Hoseok smiled as he opened one bag of chips and started munching it while his friend poured some soda on two cups before sitting next to him.

 

—Did you write something before I arrived?

 

—I've made some arrangements, but I'm stuck with the lyrics. I mean, I've written some but... I'm not satisfied.

 

—Let me see it.

 

—Okay.

 

Hoseok lent him his notebook with all the notes, ideas and recently written lyrics.

 

With his face full of concentration, KiHyun read every word, looking through the pages and making some additions here and there.

 

The older didn't want to distract his friend so made himself busy playing a game in his phone once there were no snacks to be eaten.

 

But even with the anxious feeling of winning a challenge specially hard, his mind kept wondering about the last time they stayed 'til late recording a song Hoseok had written long time ago.

 

 

 

 _—_ You should head back home. I'll finish some details and do the same.

_KiHyun had been closing and forcing his eyes open for the last thirty minutes._

_—_ No, no _—a yawn interrupted his phrase—._ I want to stay here and listen to it when you finally have the work done.

_For an instant, Hoseok wanted to reply, but knowing how stubborn his friend could be, he just nodded and told him in a murmur to sleep for a bit._

_—_ Okay, Seokkie. Don't forget- to wake me- up...

_The younger rested his arms over the desk and fell asleep almost instantly. Hoseok shouldn't be thinking on how much cute KiHyun seemed with his eyes closed and snoring lightly, lips pouting, but couldn't stop himself. He had always liked cute things, and that maybe was now extended to his friend since he found his little hands so cute, and his demeanor too, even when KiHyun tried to give the vibe that he was independent and didn't need help._

_—_ C'mon, Hoseok. Just finish this already.

_Struggling with focusing on the task in hand, he did the best to work as fast as he could while the noises the younger kept making were very interesting to listen to._

_In the end, it didn't take much more to Hoseok to get done with everything._

_He looked over to where Kihyun was, his cotton candy hair fluffy and messed up. The older didn't really want to wake him up, but knowing how Kihyun would pester him if he didn't show him the song right then and there, made him decide to shake his friend's shoulders._

_—_ Kihyunnie~ I'm ready.

_It took him a bit, but after a few tries, speaking him softly to not wake his friend up in the wrong mood, Kihyun opened his eyes slightly, peering through his eyelashes as he adjusted his pupils to the bright light._

_—_ Can I- listen to it?

_Hoseok should seriously stop his heart from fluttering each time his band mate did something endearing, even if that only implied Kihyun with a raspy voice and puffy lips and eyes._

_—_ Yeah, of course.

_The older lent him his earphones and tried to distract himself from staring putting some order around the studio. They should go back to the dorms, so better if he started as soon as possible._

_His mind kept wondering about what Kihyun would probably think about his work, his opinion important as ever, since that song talked about hard decisions and stuff he endured while he was still a teenager, discovering his true self as he tried to act like a mature guy who only kept making trouble._

_Silence filled the room as Hoseok stopped walking around and the song had ended._

_—_ What do you think? Do you like it? Or do I need to change something, because I saved the demo just in case-

_—_ I love it. This is so- wow. Now I feel jealous.

_His tone was strange, between amazed and something the older couldn't pinpoint._

 

—Why?

 

—You're so talented, Minhyuk is a lucky guy.

 

—Minhyuk?

 

—He's your boyfriend, right? He should be so proud of having someone as talented as you by his side.

_And suddenly everything was messed up. Hoseok didn't know what to do with himself and Kihyun didn't seem to care either._

 

—What are you-?

 

—Let's get back home. I'm tired.

_The older only watched him tidy things around for a few seconds before finally recovering his senses:_

 

—Kihyun-

 

—I don't know if what I said was rude to you, but I won't apologize.

 

—It's not that.

_For some reason, Hoseok felt attacked with the comment, but the only thing he wanted to know was why his band mate had said it._

 

—What then.

_Kihyun was acting like the older was the one attacking him and not the other way around._

 

—Why did you say it? Can you at least answer me that?

 

—I- _—He was at a loss of words, did not wait his hyung to just be curious._

 

—We're friends, you know. And I want to understand why are you acting like this? I care for you a lot, so I kinda hope you know you can trust me.

_Hoseok approached him, trying to put his hands on Kihyun's shoulders and give him a sense of comfort. But the younger was faster and moved around so his back was facing his hyung now._

 

—I like you, right? I'm aware of the fact we've been friends for a long time now; that you're in a relationship with Minhyuk and I shouldn't feel this way but... I can't help it.

_His voice was firm at the beginning, but broke in the end, Kihyun's body shaking because of the sobs he tried to suppress to no avail._

 

—Kihyunnie...

 

—And I'm jealous, too. You show me those amazing songs, and I love them because they're perfect, but I'm not your muse, and will never be _—he breathed deeply, trying his best to calm down—._ I'm sorry.

 

—Please, don't be. You didn't do it on purpose.

 

—Hyung, you're so kind to me. Can we forget I said this? I want to keep our relationship the way it was before I confessed. Please?

_And maybe Hoseok had a lot to say too, but was better to stay quiet and only bid in agreement because what do you say when your best friend, and friend of your boyfriend, confess he loves you?_

_Instead of trying to decipher what to say, he just followed his friend out of the studio and onto the night._

_The mood after that was really weird. Both of them walked back to their dorms in complete silence, Kihyun eyeing the pavement and the older trying to grasp at what had just happened, wanting to say something so they would talk about it and solve it, but couldn't come up with anything so kept quiet until they were finally inside their house._

_But he wasn't fast enough._

 

—Good night, hyung.

_And Kihyun disappeared right after in the bathroom, the door closing softly behind him._

 

 

 

—It's perfect! Hyung! You should show it for our next album!

 

A bit dumbfounded, Hoseok eyed his friend until he remembered what had happened before his thoughts were somewhere else.

 

—Do you think?

 

—You always forget how amazing you are, Hoseokkie. But, I would never lie to you. This is great. The world needs to listen to it and be able to see how much talent you have.

 

The older did his best to not flush, overwhelmed by Kihyun's words.

 

—Thank you.

 

—You're welcome. But what do you say about showing the demo to our pd-nim?

 

—I think is a great idea...

 

—But?

 

Hoseok smiled, because there was a but to it.

 

—It's the first time I don't want a song to be sang by all of us.

 

—Why not? —Kihyun seemed certainly surprised—. Do you really think it isn't that good?

 

—I know it's good, right? I am humble, but I have my pride too. The reason is I want this song for us... me and you.

 

The younger blinked his eyes quickly, like he was trying to decipher the hidden message the words of his hyung maybe contained.

 

—What are you talking about? Minhyuk is your boyfriend. You should sing this song with him, not me.

 

—I don't want to talk about him right now.

 

Perplexed, Kihyun left the headphones in the table, looking Hoseok straight to his eyes.

 

—You're acting really weird. Could you tell please what's going on with you?

 

—It's not me being weird. You know I have songs I want to perform with each one of you guys. Why are you surprised I've chosen this for us?

 

—Because it's about love! —Kihyun finally exploded—. And you don't love me!

 

—How can you be so sure? You're not in my heart nor you know how I feel about everything or everyone.

 

The look in the younger's eyes darkened, not liking the direction their talk was taking.

 

—I told you not to bring things up.

 

—I'm not bringing anything up! I'm being honest, okay? —Hoseok took a deep breath before speaking again—. I know I promised to forget what happened between us the other night. But I couldn't stop thinking about it. That's why I wrote this.

 

—You shouldn't, hyung. This is so wrong. How could you ever think this was the best option?

 

—I needed to take those thoughts out of my mind.

 

—Okay, but love?

 

—Love twist obsession indeed.

 

Kihyun tried to take a deep breath as he closed his eyes, focusing on not having a panic attack right there and then.

 

—Are you crazy? How in the fucking earth Minhyuk won't notice what are you trying to say?

 

—I KNOW, OKAY? I know I shouldn't have written this, nor keep thinking about your confession, or how I felt about it. But I can't control my thoughts.

 

Even if that wasn't the best choice, the younger did the question he had wanted to do since that night:

 

—What d-do you think?

 

—That maybe I've been blind all this years, and now this is coming back to kick me in the ass for being so dumb.

 

Kihyun blinked his eyes so quickly it made him feel a bit dizzy.

 

—Please, tell me you're not trying to say what I think you are.

 

—If you want me to be honest, then yes. I'm confused. And I started a relationship with Minhyuk because I thought I loved him. But-

 

—Stop —Kihyun closed his eyes, as to make a point on him not wanting to listen to whatever his hyung wanted to say—. I don't want to know anything more.

 

—Why? I need to.

 

—But I feel like this is going to end in a bad way. And I don't want to lose Minhyuk's friendship in the process.

 

Of course Hoseok understood what his friend was trying to say. He was in a relationship. If Kihyun and him recognized their true feelings, maybe they'll be finally happy, together, but at which costs?

 

—I know. But still. We've been friends for years now. And I want to leave it clear: I like you. You made me realize it the day you told me your true feelings. Maybe it looks like it was provoked, but it really wasn't. That night I started to think about everything that had happened since the day we met. Of all the songs I've written so far, the hours we spent together working on them, you helping me to improve them and make them perfect. You've helped me to improve myself. And you... you've given me a lot of inspiration. Anyone could think this is gratefulness instead of love, but a 'thank you' is not enough. Will never be enough.

 

Kihyun, for the first time, felt his mind empty. His hyung liked him, yeah. But what would happen next?

 

 

 

In the next few weeks, both of them felt wary every time they were together on their own, mostly on nights when the others left to go out to their studios (Jooheon and Changkyun), to eat (Hyunwoo and Hyungwon), and to play on a cafe (Minhyuk, since he knew Hoseok didn't like those places that much).

 

Maybe their routine was the only thing that kept them having dinner together, but they didn't really talk or keep the eye contact, for that matter.

 

Hoseok still wondered why his friend still called him to eat with him. Sometimes he thought it was because he needed a reason to act as if nothing had really happened.

 

 

But, as both of them finally realized one night after weeks of not having a proper talk, everything that starts has to end some way or another.

 

Being a man who kept his words, Kihyun accompanied Hoseok to his studio to finish the demo he had promised he would help him to do.

 

—Here are the lyrics, and you can listen to the melody with this —the older handed him some papers and the headphones, keeping his voice on a neutral tone—. Tell me when you're ready so we can start recording.

 

—Okay.

 

This was what they usually do, Hoseok checking everything on the panel so he could do all his job once Kihyun said yes. It was easy, nothing he hadn't done before, yet there he was, pressing buttons and reading random stuff just to keep himself busy while his band mate was concentrated on his own task.

 

—I'm ready —Kihyun said after some minutes, walking directly to the microphones he knew Hoseok used to record.

 

—Let's get this done then.

 

Hoseok put on his headphones and sat in front of the panel, already wanting to finish the recording.

 

One of the aspects the older liked the most about Kihyun was the passion he put every single time he had to sing. How he pressed his eyes closed, the veins in his neck almost popping out because of the energy he put, trying to be as perfect as possible.

 

And maybe Hoseok felt a bit turned on but decided not to follow those thoughts and focus on the song, the only one thing he should be paying attention at.

 

But not too long after, the older didn't have anything more to do, and the only thing he could really focus on was Kihyun.

 

Damn every thought about him being in a relationship. He liked Minhyuk, yes, but his heart hurt each time his mind wondered how much happy he would feel if he was Kihyun's boyfriend instead.

 

That's why, when the younger finally stepped out of the cabin and neared Hoseok, taking out the headphones in the process, was met with his band mate's lips crashing against its own.

 

—Hyung- —Kihyun whimpered, doing his best (or that he thought) to push the other away.

 

—I need you, Kihyunnie. Please.

 

The mouthed answer, slightly muffled since they were glued to each other's lips, made the younger's stomach and heart do somersaults, a warm feeling growing in his chest.

 

—This is wrong, we should stop-

 

—Only this time. It won't happen again.

 

Rushed fingers worked on their clothes, shirts, pants and everything else disappearing like they didn't realize what was about to happen.

 

—Okay.

 

It was the first time they followed their physical desire for one another, but it felt like they had done it several times before, as their bodies found its position quite easily, both of them pressing the right places to pleasure the other without even trying to do so.

 

Hoseok was deeply buried inside Kihyun when he decided was the right moment to direct a look to his face.

 

—More —the younger could barely say as their eyes met, fire running through their veins, as if their blood had turned out to be lava instead.

 

He obliged, his hips moving back and forth in a rough pace. The older tried not to hurt his friend, but he sent every caution out of the window the moment Kihyun flexed his inner muscles in a way Hoseok could only interpret as a demand to go even harder.

 

Soon enough, both of them were a whimpering, moaning mess, lips meeting halfway as they reached their climax almost at the same time, Kihyun falling first down the edge as Hoseok pumped his neglected shaft, and the older followed right after, not being able to hold his pleasure anymore.

 

And maybe they wanted to say something to each other, once they breathing became normal again, but instead chose to stay in silence, soon enough putting their clothes back on and finish whatever was left of the song for it to be done.

 

For sure the air inside the studio felt awkward because how you act around the person you had sex with without saying something to address what had happened?

 

 

 

Hoseok and Kihyun were both adults, mature men who knew how to deal with the weird feeling both of them had every time they were near each other.

 

Which meant none of them did anything to fix it.

 

At least, they didn't talk about what happened and left everything like it was instead.

 

Worst decision ever.

 

Feeling guilty, Hoseok did his best to be with Minhyuk as much as possible, inviting him on date after date after date. They even had gone to the internet cafe Minhyuk was a regular in to play games together. Whatever his boyfriend asked, Hoseok gave it to him, trying to suppress the guilt that kept eating him alive.

 

Kihyun understood that what his hyung was doing was the best for the three of them, since he didn't want to see hurt in Minhyuk's eyes, even if his mind kept betraying him every time he closed his eyes to sleep.

 

The memory of Hoseok giving him pleasure, nipping at his lips while murmuring how much love he felt was still fresh, and it was impossible to deny he wanted to repeat it again.

 

The new arrangement of the dorm made it easier for Kihyun to slip to Hoseok's bed and pretend they shared it, the smell of the older impregnated on the sheets. That way, he could imagine him laying down by his side, holding him tightly as they enjoyed being together. And he knew he shouldn't wish or even think about them in that position, but sometimes Kihyun felt tired of pretending he didn't feel attracted to his hyung.

 

 

As much as they tried to act normally, though, as if nothing had ever happened, their feelings became more and more unbearable, impossible to deny.

 

They discovered it one night, when Kihyun had fell asleep on top of Hoseok's bed. The older thought of taking him to his bedroom, so he could finally rest after the long day he have had going on a date with Minhyuk, but then realized he didn't have enough energy in his body to lift his friend all the way to his room.

 

Throwing every thought of how wrong that was out of the window, Hoseok followed his nightly routine and plopped himself onto his bed, with only his underwear on, and right beside Kihyun.

 

He waited patiently until the younger's eyes fluttered open, his heart skipping one beat as Kihyun slowly became aware of his surroundings, and the fact that they were sharing the bed.

 

—Hi, Kihyunnie.

 

—Seokkie~

 

—Are you okay? Were you waiting for me?

 

In his state of drowsiness, Kihyun only was aware of how handsome Hoseok looked in such a close up view.

 

—I don't know —he said after few seconds of (not really) thinking.

 

—Did you want to tell me something?

 

—Maybe. I guess I forgot. How was your date with Minhyuk?

 

Hoseok didn't think about the question too much, since they were still friends, the episode of them having sex aside.

 

—It was nice. But Min was a bit tired so he decided we should go out again other time.

 

—Oh, I see.

 

And the talking died there.

 

The room felt quiet, the silence as nice as their conversation.

 

Their eyes stayed focused in each other's. It gave them a good feeling, so none spoke for a while, not until their focus shifted from their eyes to other parts.

 

—Kihyun, I-

 

Hoseok didn’t have time to explain himself further as his friend cupped his cheek and kissed him mindlessly.

 

Their bodies moved on their own accord as the older ended with his back pressed against the covers while Kihyun put himself down between his legs.

 

—We said we wouldn’t do this again, but I can’t.

 

And maybe the younger was speaking for the two of them, since Hoseok could understand pretty well what he was trying to say. It had been a hard task to keep his hands away from Kihyun the whole time, knowing he wouldn’t be able to stop once he touched his skin.

 

That’s exactly what happened when Hoseok put his hands under Kihyun’s shirt, slowly wandering up his waist to his shoulders.

 

They hadn’t done much more than make out for some minutes when the door of Hoseok’s bedroom opened.

 

Sure enough, they were in hell and Minhyuk had become a devil because his stare was as cold as ice.

 

—So this is the reason why you were acting weird lately. I guess I don’t deserve a proper explanation. Thank you.

 

As quietly as he had opened the door, Minhyuk closed it, not making a fuss and instead choosing to leave the other two in a state that only could be described as shock.

 

—I should go and talk to him —Hoseok spoke after a while, still not being conscious of what had really happened.

 

—Yeah, you should.

 

Kihyun saw Hoseok while he tidied his clothes and hair before going out after Minhyuk.

 

Things didn't end well. The older knew his boyfriend (or maybe he wasn't anymore) wouldn't listen to him, and that was exactly what happened.

 

—Hyung asked me to tell you he doesn't want to listen to whatever you want to say —Changkyun said the moment he saw Hoseok standing at his door.

 

—Please, at least I want to know if he's okay.

 

—He'll go to speak to you once he feels better. Now please go back to your room.

 

Changkyun's tone wasn't rude, but it was clear he knew Hoseok had made a mistake, a very big one, so even if he had claimed him as his favorite hyung, he would never let that affect other members.

 

Hoseok only nodded and walked away. For sure Kihyun was already in his own room, so there was no point on going back there. Without much thinking, he put on a coat, grabbed the keys and, after putting his sneakers, left the dorm with a quiet clicking of the front door.

 

 

 

Time passed by, with Kihyun waiting for his hyung to come back to his room, as he tried to figure out what they were going to do because of course everyone in the group would notice something was off between the three of them. But soon enough, he realized Hoseok wasn't coming back.

 

"Hyung, what happened?", he texted his band mate, teeth sinking in his bottom lip.

 

"Nothing."

 

"Hyung."

 

"Wanna be alone for a while."

 

"Hyung!"

 

But all he received was a double check of his message.

 

He knew that if he left Hoseok on his own, he would end doing stupid things, like not sleeping or eating, being fed with all the bad feelings he had in mind.

 

And, as much as Kihyun wanted to believe his hyung would come back to the dorm, his heart told him the older had decided to go and stay at his studio.

 

—Where are you going?

 

The sudden voice caught Kihyun off guard while he was putting on some clothes to go after Hoseok.

 

—Minhyuk.

 

—Not Minhyuk this time. Where are you fucking going.

 

For a second, he thought of lying to his friend, but what was the point in the end? Things couldn’t get worse anyway.

 

—Hoseok hyung is not coming back and I’ll go after him.

 

—He doesn’t need your help, you know. He’s a grown up man.

 

—I know, but that doesn’t mean I won’t worry about him.

 

The laugh that escaped Minhyuk’s lips could almost be described as mad.

 

—Yeah, that’s right. You’ve always thought you’re our mom, that everyone should follow whatever you say.

 

—I understand you’re pissed, but you’re being really mean to me now.

 

—So what? —If his voice kept increasing in volume, everyone in the dorm would wake up and Kihyun didn’t want to face that—. You were kissing my boyfriend! On his bed! How should I feel? Happy that you finally could kiss him? I knew you liked him, but didn’t think you’ll do whatever you could to break our relationship.

 

Both of them heard the front door being open, but none reacted as their eyes were staring straight into each other’s.

 

—Stop saying that. I know I made a big mistake, that you can be mad at me and say bad things, but I won’t let you attack me with lies.

 

—And why not? —Minhyuk’s voice raised once again—. Should I keep my madness to myself? Because no.

 

—Minhyuk.

 

—Shut up, you fucking cheating bastard. I knew Kihyun liked you, but never thought you’ll cheat on me with him.

 

—What's going on here?

 

Suddenly, everyone was in their living room, even Hyungwon, who looked he like didn't know where he was.

 

—Those two —Minhyuk signaled Hoseok and Kihyun— were kissing each other in Hoseok's room.

 

Of course, everyone was shocked to hear the news, except for Changkyun.

 

—What? —Jooheon said.

 

—Are you kidding me, right? —Hyungwon was more awake now.

 

—Why did you do it?

 

If Hoseok was completely honest, the one he feared the most was Hyunwoo. Not because he could react violently, but because the older of the group never hold back his words.

 

—Because I like him, and I didn't realize it until a few days ago.

 

There was no point on lying. They will discover it later anyway.

 

—Are you telling us you cheated on Minhyuk because you like Kihyun? Then why you were with Min ‘til now? Why you didn't tell him what you felt?

 

—Because I wasn't sure. Until today.

 

Hoseok put a hand on Kihyun's shoulder, expecting him to push it away. The younger didn't, though, finding comfort in the way his hyung showed him support, even if it meant Minhyuk would direct him a dead glare.

 

—What are you going to do, then? —Minhyuk asked rudely, his eyes bright with unshed tears—. Break our relationship and start a new one with Kihyun right away?

 

—I wouldn't do that even if I hated you, which I don't. I thought you knew me better than this.

 

—I thought that too. But I see you never stop surprising me.

 

And before anyone could say anything, he glared at them one last time before turning his back at the group and going back to his room, closing the door with a loud thud.

 

Soon enough, the four other members started to leave the living room, Hyunwoo the last one to do it as he kept glancing at Hoseok and Kihyun.

 

—Hope you understand this hadn't ended here. You'll have to endure Minhyuk's cold shoulder. And maybe us not wanting to talk to you.

 

—We understand —Kihyun spoke for both of them.

 

The older did a short nod before going back to his bedroom and leaving them to try resolving their problems.

 

—Kihyun, I-

 

—Let's go to sleep —he interrupted Hoseok's phrase, tangling his hands and quietly pulling him towards his hyung's room.

 

—But-

 

—We can talk about it once we're in your room. Now, please go with me.

 

The older only hummed in response, quietly following Kihyun to his room.

 

—Where were you planning to go?

 

The younger was the first breaking the silence once they were comfortably resting under the covers.

 

—I don't know. I wanted to stay at the studio tonight, but, when you sent me those messages, I thought you were going to try and find me, so I decided to come back.

 

—I was almost out of the dorm when Minhyuk found me.

 

Hoseok put his arm around Kihyun's waist and pulled him into an embrace.

 

—I'm sorry, I shouldn't have left you on your own.

 

—It's okay. You're here now.

 

—Did he say bad things to you?

 

—Nothing more than what I was expecting —the younger said, his voice mildly muffled since his face was against Hoseok's shoulder.

 

—I'm sorry.

 

—Stop it. We're together in this.

 

Hoseok hummed, not wanting to continue with the conversation.

 

They cuddled in silence for a while, basking in the comfort of the warmth they gave to each other.

 

—So... do you love me?

 

The older couldn't stop his giggle. Of course Kihyun was thinking about that.

 

—Yes, I love you.

 

The embrace tightened even more.

 

—In case you wanted to know, I love you too.

 

—Thank you.

 

Hoseok moved a bit, only for Kihyun to follow him, until Hoseok's back was pressed against the mattress.

 

—Hey.

 

—What.

 

—Look at me, please.

 

Reluctantly, Kihyun lifted his head, only to find the lips of his hyung ready to be kissed.

 

—No matter what happens, I want you to know that I'll never stop loving you.

 

—So cheesy —the younger giggled, not making any move to separate from Hoseok's mouth.

 

—But just for you.

 

—I'm glad you really do.

 

After that sweet moment, they fell on a quiet silence, staring into each other's eyes, until none of them could stay away from the other anymore.

 

But, even if it felt like they wanted to continue what they had started before everyone discovered what they were doing, the weight of Minhyuk's sadness couldn't be lifted off their shoulders that easily. He was their friend long before they realized their feelings, so it wasn't like they could forget his disappointed expression.

 

—Let's sleep?

 

Heavily tired, Hoseok just nodded and moved Kihyun to leave him by his side.

 

—Good night, hyung.

 

—Night, Kihyunnie.

 

Slowly, both of them drifted to dreamland, the feeling of being together the last that lingered in their chests.

 

 

There was a warm sensation tingling their bodies the moment both woke up next morning.

 

They shared a few kisses before deciding to get up and start preparing for the day ahead of them.

 

—I sure could get used to this —Hoseok murmured when Kihyun said he was going to his bedroom.

 

—Me too. See you later~

 

The kiss was sweet but short, full of sentiment. So peaceful anyone could have thought everything was okay.

 

It wasn’t.

 

Once Hoseok had gotten dressed, he walked straight to the kitchen, aiming for a proper breakfast.

 

—I thought you weren't going to show your face today.

 

Minhyuk's voice scared the older a bit.

 

—Here's the place where I live. There's no reason for me to leave it.

 

—You could stay at your studio —Minhyuk came into his field of view as he leaned on the counter, watching him with a disgusted expression—, in case you feel shameful enough.

 

Hoseok just took a deep breath, focusing on the task at hand before answering him.

 

—Look, I know you're angry at me. Possibly you hate me, but we're in the same group, and I won't go away only because this happened.

 

—Say whatever you want. That won't make me forgive you.

 

—You can call me an asshole, bastard or whichever you want, you know? If you need to attack me, then do it. Because of course this won't be solved magically. I will only ask you to direct it to me. I know Kihyun is involved in this situation too, but I was your boyfriend, so I'm the person who should receive all the hateful comments.

 

It was obvious Minhyuk was getting ready to throw a harsh phrase, but Hyunwoo appeared and cut him short.

 

—I know both of you need to resolve this, but I'll prefer you talking about it when there's no animosity in any of you anymore.

 

—But hyung!

 

—I'm not defending him or Kihyun —the older cut him off again—, because I know they did wrong. But I don't want more bad talking here, or you to continue saying things that you'll regret later. So please, stop it.

 

And even if Hoseok was expecting Hyunwoo to obviously being disappointed on him, hearing him saying it was even more hard.

 

—I'm going off —he finally said, not looking at any of them—. Tell me if there's something we need to do soon.

 

He didn't wait for an answer and just left the kitchen (and his mid-eaten breakfast). Hoseok knew he wanted to shower, but couldn't find it in himself to mind it when the real thing he wanted to do was go away.

 

He hoped it was finally a good decision, to make a change for the last few ones he had made and failed on.

 

"Thank you for the advice, hyung", read the message Kihyun sent him when he was already inside his studio.

 

"I'm sorry, Kihyunnie. Hope Minhyuk didn't say anything to you".

 

The next thing Hoseok saw in his phone's screen was a call.

 

—Hyunwoo-hyung was there so I think Minhyuk stayed silent only because of him.

 

—Yeah, he couldn't say more to me too —the older commented, relieved that Kihyun hadn't received bad words—. I didn't think about you while leaving the dorm, I'm sorry.

 

—It's okay. You didn't shower, did you?

 

—The urgency of escaping was stronger.

 

—I can tell. Do you want me to come over?

 

Hoseok thought about it for a moment. If Minhyuk saw him going to his studio, the hell will begin once again. But, at the same time, none could promise Minhyuk will stay quiet with Kihyun being at enough distance to start insulting him again.

 

Only imagining it made him feel bad all over again.

 

—Okay.

 

—Nice, because I don't want to go all the way back to the dorm.

 

Suddenly, Hoseok was aware of Kihyun's voice coming louder from his free ear than from the phone.

 

—Could have told me that.

 

—I love you too.

 

Both of them laughed before ending the call once the door was open.

 

—Hello.

 

 

 

For the next days, that was their daily routine: Hoseok stayed at his studio or at the gym most of the day, doing all what was on him to distract himself from thinking on his recently broken relationship.

 

Kihyun and Hyunwoo kept him updated. The first for obvious reasons, and the second because, as he had once said, Hoseok could have made a big mistake, but he was still a part of the group, so he still needed to know about their schedule.

 

As time passed by, though, it became more and more exhausting have to almost run away from the dorm the minute he was awake, and wait for everyone to be asleep to come back.

 

 

One day, in the middle of the afternoon, his phone vibrated with a new notification.

 

"Can I go to your studio tonight?", read Minhyuk's message.

 

"Of course you can. No need to ask".

 

"Good. Cuz I'm right here out of the door. Please open it".

 

Hoseok sighed, his body suddenly stiff at the prospect of talking with Minhyuk after all this says of silence, without mentioning being alone.

 

—Hello —the slightly younger said, warily, as he entered the studio.

 

—Hello.

 

Awkwardly, Hoseok walked to his chair while the other paced around.

 

—Just sit on the couch already.

 

—Okay.

 

Minhyuk always had been the best of their group when they needed to start a conversation or just make small talk.

 

—So... —Hoseok spoke up again, not liking the silence they were in—, did you want to talk to me?

—Oh, yes, yes. Ummm... I want to apologize for the things I said to you. I know I was mad, and feel the need to tell you my thoughts. But... yeah.

 

—I am the one who should apologize in the first place. I think I would have acted like that if it was you who cheated on me. I'm sorry I wasn't able to tell you before. I'm a coward.

 

They fixed their eyes on each other's, trying to decipher what to say next.

 

—Guess both of us are right. I forgive you, even if I know it will take time to get used to see you together. But I'll be fine.

 

—Thank you.

 

It had never felt that awkward between them.

 

—I'll come back home. I- —Minhyuk cut himself short, maybe thinking again about what he was going to say—, see you there.

 

—Okay.

 

Hoseok wanted to say more. He wanted to reassure his band mate he still was his friend, no matter what had happened between them. But maybe that was a talk for another time.

 

Minhyuk dismissed him when he stood up to lead him to the exit.

 

—I'm okay —he heard the younger say right after disappearing through the closed door.

 

If Hoseok cried a bit when he was alone again, it was between him and the four walls of his studio.

 

 

 

A few days passed by before Hoseok felt enough courage to come back to their dorm. For sure he had talked with the members and meet them one by one, always trying not to choose his past relationship as a topic and focusing on what was currently going on with them as a group.

 

Who was really glad everything had come to an end was Kihyun. Hoseok didn't know, but he was preparing a feast with all the side dishes he knew the older liked.

 

The other members were all over the place trying to guess which was the occasion for Kihyun to cook for almost 4 hours straight, but in the end, Hyunwoo asked everyone to not bother him. They would find out when the main vocal was done.

 

Around 6pm the doorbell rang setting Kihyun's heart on a quick pace. But everything was done so he just had to calm down and go open the front door.

 

The first thing he saw was Hoseok's smile, the kind that showed to Kihyun that the older was at peace, and comfortable and didn't need nothing else to feel better.

 

—Hey.

 

The word came out as a whisper, his voice catching in his throat as his hyung embraced him in a tight hug.

 

—Hi, baby.

 

He was happy, really, but for reasons he couldn't explain, tears started to fall from his eyes, Kihyun quietly sobbing onto Hoseok's shoulder.

 

—Hey, what's wrong?

 

The front door closed silently behind the older. He carried Kihyun to the living room, slowly leaving him on the couch before sitting by his side.

 

—Nothing, I'm just happy —he murmured between sobs.

 

Hoseok's lips pulled upwards as he gave his boyfriend a side hug.

 

—Don't cry, baby. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere.

 

—I know.

 

Silence filled the space between them until Kihyun calmed down enough to speak again, this time without an overwhelming feeling too want to cry.

 

—I cooked dinner, for all of us.

 

—Really?

 

—Yeah. I missed you so badly I needed to celebrate you're finally back home.

 

The older felt guilty for worrying Kihyun so much about something that could have been prevented.

 

—You didn't have to. But thank you.

 

And, for the first time since Hoseok was back in the dorm, they shared a sweet kiss, trying to express through it the words they couldn't find to say how much grateful they felt for being together.

 

Soon enough, both of them started to put the table, Kihyun giving a call to the members so the rest of the group came to eat.

 

—Oh, so this is the reason Kihyun hyung cooked so much.

 

—Changkyun-ah —Hyunwoo warned him, but it was evident the maknae didn't want to harm none.

 

—I'm glad you're back, hyung.

 

—Thank you, Kyunnie.

 

At first it was only Changkyun but, in less than two minutes, the six of them were hugging Hoseok.

 

—Hoseokkie-hyung, we missed you —Jooheon whined, a deep pout on his face.

 

Hoseok could only smile and try not to cry in front of them.

 

—I missed you too, honey.

 

—You're not going away again, right?

 

—I won't, Kkungkkungie.

 

—Fine, because I can't handle Kihyun-hyung being all sad anymore.

 

—Yah, Im Changkyun!

 

Everyone laughed at their bickering, before Hyunwoo remembered them that the food was already served.

 

—Welcome back, hyung —was the quiet phrase Hyungwon said before walking to the table.

 

As his smile faltered, Kihyun put his arm around his waist, knowing exactly how his hyung felt.

 

—We're gonna be okay, Seokkie. Don't worry too much.

 

—I know, Kihyunnie. If you're with me, nothing could go wrong.

 

They quietly made their way to the table, enjoying finally being able to be together.

 

Their joy was cut short, though, as the members made jokes about how sappy they were.

 

—Then you can't come to me again asking for dating advice —Kihyun glared at Changkyun, who tried to hide his embarrassment.

 

—I don't know what are you saying, hyung. The food is amazing, tho. Congrats~

 

Kihyun only laughed at that, finding hard to feel annoyed when the reason of his happiness was right by his side.

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on @NydiaCid on Twitter~


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